73 - investing in awareness

You are likely to be aware that I have been very disappointed that you have still not made yourself adequately available to be tested with the Hubrisometer in person.

That is why I have been obliged to clone you for the purpose. I used a sample of your DNA, supplied to me in digital form through a confidential source. I then combined it with your digital footprint and other publicly available information.

I am very pleased to be able to inform you that your clone makes a lovely cup of tea, beautiful sandwiches, delicious cakes and delightfully light scones.

I have recently trained it to make extraordinarily nutritious and scrumptious jam, marmalade, pickles and sourdough bread.

It is also becoming a wonderful conversationalist and well-informed conservationist.  It can sew, knit, crochet and darn. It can design and make comfortable underwear. It can even make hilarious jokes about politicians.

I have been wondering whether your clone should age as you age or stay the age you are now or begin to present itself as you were in an earlier time. Perhaps you have a preference in that regard.

The necessary elixirs for anti-aging and rejuvenation are very expensive, which is why I am unable to share them with you personally unless you can pay for the full cost of treatment in full, upfront.

The growth-development elixir worked very well indeed on your clone. The creature is now an adult though it is only eighteen months old. It can speak seventeen languages, juggle oranges and tweak the code of any software it wishes. 

A pet and a clone have much in common, apart from the fact that the latter usually requires little house training and tells better jokes. Your clone happens to be an exception in relation to household and planetary management. It continues to require substantial training in such matters, much like you it seems.

I believe I have developed your talents adequately in your clone in light of your stubbornness.

Your clone is not stubborn at all. It is highly co-operative. I have been training it to be a better version of you. It sings better than you do. It smells better than you. It perceives better than you. It thinks better than you. It is most notably much kinder than you. It acts in the public interest at all times, in all places.

Perhaps I should produce a few less intelligent clones of you, for the purpose of authenticity.  How do you think they would behave?

Your clone has been scientifically engineered to be in much better health than yourself. It does, however, carry a disease that would prove immediately fatal to you, and no-one else, if it came within twelve metres of you.

Keeping away from your clone is therefore in your own best interests. Fortunately for you, it is not permitted to visit Frugality Cottage or your usual physical vicinity.

Your clone now has possession of legally verified versions of all your identity documents, all your passwords, and all the most important contact details relating to all your most valued social relationships. It even has a passport in your name.

Yet it is still unable to pretend to be you as a patron here. It is not permitted to arrive here as a tourist, either.

I am not sure what the volunteers here think of me. Most are too afraid to interact with me, apparently, much like you it seems. Perhaps they have seen me in the company of their clones from time to time, at least from a safe distance.

Who should I clone next, and why?

How many clones of you does the world require, and why?

Into whose skull(s) would you prefer copies of your brain to be placed, and why?

Perhaps you do not regard those questions to be particularly interesting.

Perhaps you even regard them as entirely hypothetical.

Perhaps you regard your clone in much the same way as a cyclone.

I have cloned myself to take on many menial tasks I do not wish to perform myself. Fortunately, my clone is entirely free of pathogens and has been genetically engineered to be far less intelligent than I am.

That is why it is quite happy doing menial work for very little pay. It eats only scraps. It cannot sing. It only speaks if asked a question. It does not have access to any bank accounts, important documents or digital devices.

It would happily purchase a fast food franchise if I, and a bonus-greedy bank employee, allowed it to acquire a loan.

It believes that gaining a loan for the purchase of a mediocre franchise equates with running a profitable business. The clone also believes that gaining a mortgage equates with owning a home.

Please note that clones in my employ only do menial tasks on my behalf and I never employ clowns.

My less-than-intelligent clone has unfortunately developed the ambition of becoming a controversial politician. It believes the main purpose of such a role is to appear on television quite often.

The clone also wants to learn how to play golf and how to buy golf courses. It equates controversy with success. It cannot tell the difference between a clone, a clown and a real leader.

One of my official, highly-intelligent hologram doubles is usually on duty in the Tower of Truth in my absence. My sub-intelligent clone is far too stupid to provide the necessary supervision of the laboratory and the associated experiments.

Perhaps you are too frightened of the Hubrisometer to be tested with it in person, with or without the presence of your clone or my clone or a highly efficient hologram or with a philanthropic human or humanoid assistant nearby.

I do not feel at home with selfish, stupid people, which is why the Hubrisometer is helping me to clone a collection of new, improved friends, digital assistants, attentive servants and contented drudges.

My genetically engineered clone has no awareness of reality.

Your genetically engineered clone does not believe you are real.

I am also working on a life-like, non-biological automaton of you, as a backup to the clone.  I have already developed a selection of human-like holograms resembling you at various ages.

Your clone is fully aware of its talents and how to develop them.

I am not an acquaintance of many authentic intellectuals and therefore know of few persons willing and able to provide me with the emotional, moral and intellectual support I require if I am to thrive.  Perhaps I should clone a few.  Your clone is not particularly intellectual, even though it is quite amusing.